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Angelina Jolie Officially an Adoptaholicâ„¢
April 4th, 2007 at 12:00 am by Sarah Jean Snarker » Bookmark on del.icio.us » Digg It?With reports that Angelina Jolie is ready to adopt what would be their 5th child, I am officially declaring her an Adoptaholicâ„¢. Seriously, this woman’s as bad as I am with handbags. And getting worse just as quickly.
When you’ve just gotten a new one, and you already feel that longing, that empty desire … Angie, you’re not treating these orphans as humans, you’re treating them as accessories. You have to re-evaluate, because these are living things!
She’s lucky she’s a rich powerhouse, or else someday she might need to sell her older ones on eBay. Wouldn’t be pretty Ange. Hey, there’d be an upside—-Celebrity Rehab! So luxe! Um, actually, it sounds like a good idea now….
Sure what you’re doing helps kids, but your collection is growing too fast. You won’t be able to handle this at some point, for sure.
Here are some warning signs you’re out of control:
- Your orphan comes with the name of Emma Jane, you rename to Heven Roze.
- Next time, you ask for two—you know, a pair–a set—but you also ask they be pigmies. Tiny is in!
- You commission for a special stroller for your litter, it’ll expand to fit the growing family. Then you push them around everywhere. The oldest is 11.
- In 14 years time, you realize you don’t get bonding time with one of them very much, he’s not very attractive and doesn’t play well with others. You wonder how you can get him to divorce you — there are so many other kids you want instead!
- You start thinking even non-orphans would be better off with you as their mother, this gets you in various legal troubles.
- You move on up to wanting "It Kids." Those Olsen’s are adults now, but they need some nurturing! The Sprouse boys were so cute as kids, and you really feel you could "raise" them to their potential. And that Abigail Breslin on your arm — ooh! You would be the HOTTEST mama, everyone would envy you!
- If designer bags are in, imagine designer babies! You get Marc Jacobs to donate his sperm to inseminate into Phoebe Philo’s egg—-and the kid will be allll yourrrrssss. It’s not about beauty (you’ve got yourself + Brad for that [damn you’re lucky]) it’s about TALENT!
- You come to the inspired idea that it’s not just about having and raising your own kids - no! Charity is also in allowing baron or ugly would-be parents to raise your and Brad’s embryos, and you make a killing off the business.
- You put yourself on a "child ban" for 12 months, you’ve just adopted too many in recent weeks.
Think this seems far-fetched? Just wait.
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Categories Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt, Celebrities, Celebrity Gossip
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April 4th, 2007 at 2:09 am
[…] Angelina Jolie Officially an Adoptaholicâ„¢ […]
April 4th, 2007 at 3:47 am
[…] Angelina Jolie Officially an Adoptaholic? With reports that Angelina Jolie is ready to adopt what would be their 5th child, I am officially declaring her an Adoptaholic?. Seriously, this woman?s as bad as I am with handbags. And getting worse just as quickly. … […]
April 4th, 2007 at 5:34 am
She is!!! It’s true. She’s really starting to pick up the pace.