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The film remake of “The Dukes of Hazzard,” starring Jessica Simpson, Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott, was released today, to terrible reviews.

CNN’s Headline: “Dukes of Hazzard is Roadkill.”

People’s Leah Rozen: “[The Dukes of Hazzard is a] laugh-free, woefully uninspired film version of the southern good ol’ boy TV series (1979-85)” and “the year’s worst movie.”

Rolling Stone Magazine: “There’s a stink coming off the big-screen Dukes of Hazzard that even fans of the TV series … won’t be able to shake out of their nostrils.”

Las Vegas Review Journal: “Hazzard-ous waste.”

NBC 7 Boston News reviewer remarked that he was surprised by Simpson’s performance, but basically only struck that Jessica could memorize the script. (Ouch!)

South Virginia’s Richmond Sun-Times: “… Jokes about blacks and gays that are decidedly uncomfortable to watch.”

And Ella? I would love to make witty snark (other than my headline) but I would not see this movie, especially after hearing that there is a homophobic vibe to it. Not cool, in fact, yes, putrid.

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Jessica Simpson Dukes of Hazzard

Categories Celebrities, Celebrity Fashion, Celebrity Gossip, Jessica Simpson

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3 Comments on “‘Dukes’ Falls as Short as those Hotpants”

1. Jim Pfaff Says:
   August 5th, 2005 at 9:32 pm

   Well stated review of the new ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ movie by the Denver Post:

   Once upon a time, the Box Office Fairy sewed together a form-fitting pair of denim cutoffs. No one knows if the Box Office Fairy is good or evil; she merely casts her spells and lets the market sort out the details, sordid or sublime. Hollywood mortals discovered the denim shorts and asked Jessica Simpson to try them on. They were wicked pleased with what they saw, and commissioned a script. Two bikinis, a halter top and assorted pairs of 4-inch heels later, we have “The Dukes of Hazzard,” which purports to be a remake of a TV show but is more accurately a remake of Jessica’s vapid modeling career.

   And so continues the degradation of culture by stirring up a sexual frenzy in men young and old. Even Ben Jones who played “Cooter” in the original series is telling people not to go to the movie until it is cleaned up.
   Simpson, who professes to be a Christian, has lowered herself to a level bordering on [in my estimation--crossing the line of] lewdness. Simpson is angered by Christians who are critical of this transformation. [I quote below from an article I found on the web but will not link to because of the compromising picture of her contained therein].
   

   The Christian group called “The Resistance” is urging Jessica to [re-shoot a video they claim to be "whorish"]. “She should be ashamed of her self” says John Conner, spokesperson for ‘The Resistance’ and author of ‘The Resistance Manifesto.’ “It’s disappointing to have Jessica, a pastor’s daughter and Christian role model, join the ranks of the ‘singing strippers’ such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera” explains Connor. “She has one of the most beautiful voices, and is a very beautiful girl, but it’s sad to see her whore her self out like this. What’s worse is that pastor, Joe Simpson is Jessica’s manager, as well as her father.But Jessica Simpson hit back, saying “It didn’t really surprise me because I grew up with a lot of that backlash. That’s why I didn’t end up going into the Christian music industry.”I think that if they’re really good Christians the judgment wouldn’t be there.”

   This is a remarkable statement in light of the previews of the movie ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ I saw the last time I went to the theatre with some friends. After observing most of Jessica Simpson’s flesh displayed in that short movie trailer, I felt a bit slimed and rather sympathetic with Ben Jones’ statement. It left me wondering if “really good Christian” women wear cutoff shorts so high you can see their buttocks.One of my friends thought he observed something redeeming though. In a scene of the trailer where Simpson was provocatively leaning over the hood of a car, I stated my “judgemental Christian” disgust. He turned to me and said: “Look! Isn’t that a tattoo of a cross on her bottom?”

2. Snarker Ella Says:
   August 5th, 2005 at 10:27 pm

   All that mention of clothing makes the film a little more desirable to see. Just a tad.

   Aww, come on, I think everyone would like to see that picture. It’s true, though. You could check out this other blog post of mine at Kiss Me, Stace, Jessica Simpson shows her morals and how wholesome she is in These Boots Were Made for Walkin’.

   Jessica’s right that true-spirit Christians would not judge. Who’s a true Christian, anyway? They don’t really exist. Gladly, I don’t attempt to boast the claim!

   Very funny remark.

3. Sean Says:
   August 6th, 2005 at 3:04 am

   As for Dukes of Hazzard…
   Nothing has summed it up better than CNN’s review that “this flick is a car wreck with boobs.”

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